Two Month Mark

Well, here it is. No makeup on. Taken with my phone late this evening. He was right. It seemed like it had lightened up and then gradually got darker as we neared the two month mark. I’m hoping it lightens up again or that the laser helps.

I slowed down on using the prosil. i started getting bumps all over my face and frankly even though it was probably just a reaction, it alarmed me. I’m going to start practicing with some makeup and see if I can feel better about myself.

In a week I’m going to do the first laser treatment. Dr. Jim said they have to laser your whole face, they can’t just laser the scar. Heck yeah, laser my whole body, I’m game. This getting old granny skin sucks!!

It blasts thousands of tiny holes in your skin forcing it to make new collagen to heal its self. So in turn after it heals you have new skin. He said it will ooze and be crusty and of course I will show pictures. You know me, I’m not hiding. I want women to know there is hope that you can look better even after having a surgery like mine.

I’ve been letting a little fear creep in that the cancer will come back. One reason it’s because of things people say. The lady who checked my groceries said her father got it in his brain six months after he had a spot removed off his nose. Of course it quickly claimed his life. I can’t figure out how she thought sharing that information with me would be comforting. I was going to write a whole blog on this very thing. People really do need to think before they speak. I’m not talking about walking on eggshells, just use your brain.

Okay, I’m one day late getting this up. If I don’t hit publish now, it may be three months. 🙂

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The reveal

I’ve been pretty good about going outside my house and letting strangers see me but Friday I have to go to a funeral and that means all the family and most of the people I care about will be seeing my face for the first time. That makes me very anxious and nervous. I wish I could disguise it so no one can tell but I can’t.

I’m nearing my two month mark again on this second surgery. Remember the drill…..that’s when the scar will look its worst. I’m still not sure why but in this case it’s true. It’s not looking real good. After the first surgery I didn’t get to make it past the two month mark so I have no idea when it’s suppose to start looking better.

I’ve actually only left the prosil off and put makeup on twice so I have been being diligent about doing my part. Twelve weeks with the prosil. It feels like its been six months but I know it’s not.

Please forgive me if I’m repeating myself. It’s just getting boring and I’m ready for something good to happen. I’m ready to blow torch four layers of skin off. Let’s get this ball rolling.

I need to tell you about my interesting trip to the grocery store when I can get a chance. Maybe I’ll do that real soon.

Houston we’ve made connection

I think some of the sensory nerves that were cut are starting to connect a little. I remember that point on the first surgery. Nerves had started to connect again and even just the corner of the pillow touching my cut woke me up saying. “Ouch.” I guess maybe I’m at that point again from this second surgery. It’s starting to get tender. I’m not complaining. I’d rather get the sensations back and feel a little pain than for it to remain numb forever. One crazy thing I’ve noticed even after the first surgery, when I touch the upper eyelid, I feel it on the bottom eyelid. It’s really kind of strange. I don’t know if that will ever work it’s self out because its been that way and happening since the first surgery. Funny strange feeling 🙂

I hope your day is blessed. I just wanted to share this little bit of interesting info with you. I must have had two nerve ends that didn’t belong together, made connection…. 🙂

Just thinking out loud

I’m going to get my permanent crown today. I pray it lasts until I’m dead. I seem to be pretty hard on teeth. It’s either that or I feel way too much, things normal people don’t feel. I’m drawing to the conclusion that I’m strange. Maybe different would be a better word.

So I thought I was ready to change my profile picture on Facebook to a current picture but I guess I’m not ready. I can’t stand to look at it. I don’t think I even left it up for one day. I guess it’s part of the process you have to go through. No one knows how you would react until you go through it. I guess I’ll know when I’m ready.

May is melanoma skin cancer awareness month. You guys and girls protect your skin. Stay out of those tanning salons. Put your sun screen on those cheeks all you motorcycle riders. You don’t want to end up like me.

For now, I’ll go. Better get ready for the dentist.

My Piggy Bank

Did you know anything I need to do to make my scar better is coming strait out of my pocket? Insurance doesn’t care if I have a big scar on my face. It just doesn’t seem fair as much as we have to pay for coverage, does it?

Well I’m somehow going to save enough money to fix my face. If that means cutting back even though I don’t feel like I spend frevilously, I’ll cut and save so I can get my scar revised. I deserve that..!! I’m feeling a little emotionally drained today..!!

33 Days healed

I’ve lost track how long I have to do the Prosil. Maybe I’ll remember tomorrow. This is day 33 since my last surgery and I tried putting a little makeup on the rest of my face. I’m not sure it helps……..

Needless to say I’m trying to stay busy. This is statement time so the first few days of the month are crazy. Oh, and I opened a letter from the IRS saying they found a mistake on our return a couple of years ago and we owed over 36,000 dollars. Yeah right!!  There’s always something to stir your nerves all up, isn’t there?

Here’s a picture from this morning. I’ll be so glad when I can do the things I have planned. But I can’t until it’s all healed.

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Day 32

I’m trying to take a picture of  day 32 so I can show the progress and the pics are all ugly. I don’t think there’s any progress. But Dr. Jim and Dr. Julie both siad it looked great. Even a few nurses said it looked good. What on earth did they see that I don’t see?

I think I’m going to have to wait until I can have six layers of skin laser-ed off my face. Maybe it would help if I put a little make up on. Some things even makeup can’t help. Isn’t it funny how when you look at something in a mirror, you think it doesn’t look too too bad, then you take a picture and picture’s don’t lie. Obviously mirrors do…….lol

Why does time seem like it just crawls when you want it to hurry?? I’m tired of waiting. God is certainly teaching me patience, isn’t He? I’m not doing very good and I should be ashamed…… If I would hurry up and learn my lessons maybe I can move on to the next test.

Let’s get this show on the road. How about getting the ball rolling? Head em up, move em out…….I’m tired of sitting around mildewing……

Forgive me Lord.