Getting nuked in a few days

I hate that I’m feeling like my blog might be, “follow Vickie on all her medical problems” instead of just healing from this crazy cancer.

I feel like I’m being put to the test and fire and I’m getting a little weary of trying to figure this thing out. I feel like I have had more than my share.

I had my six month check up on my heart and he seemed to think I was doing good enough to go six more months before my next echo and next appointment. Good thing. My blood work was good besides the low white cells which is chronic for some reason no one knows.

He did ask me to schedule another heart scan because it had been four years since my last one. The one I had in 2009 was horrible and with a plaque score of 255 we have been trying to stop the progression of it by me taking the highest dose of Crestor. I’m feeling like It’s just not in my predestined life that I get better. My plaque score had doubled to 458 :-/ What do I do now? Dr. Spielman says we may need to get my cholesterol down in the real low range. Of course that means more medication that puts a task on your liver.

I was quite shocked. My blood work had looked like all this time that it was going to work. He was very pleased with my cholesterol numbers for four years now. I guess it wasn’t working after all to stop the progression of plaque.

What do I do now? Anything above 400 is looked at as high risk. If I doubled my score in four years, what is it going to be in four more years?

I don’t know what to think. I’m scheduled now for a nuclear stress test day after tomorrow. I’ve had one of these before. They are interesting to say the least. They put this stuff in your veins that make you feel like you’re having a heart attack. You feel like they are trying to kill you. I’m glad I’ll be at the heart hospital just in case they do……..

Okay, this next Wednesday I’ll do the laser again. I can’t tell if my scar looks better or not. After this one I may change my plan of action. I’m not sure anymore what I want to do. It looks like the laser it’s self would cause cancer since it burns you so bad.

I hope I can be a little more uplifting next time I post. I have had some strange phantom fumes and my new primary thinks it’s migraine related. She wants me to go to a Neurologist. I really wasn’t wanting to do that but I guess they have to rule out some bad stuff. She also wants me to do acupuncture and chiropractory. See what I’m saying? It seems like everything is bulldozing me at once. People, don’t go to the doctor!!!! I was healthier than a horse for fifty two years……. Now look what’s happening.

I’m going to hit send. I started this last week. I need to get it out. I may go back and see if there are any pictures I can post. I should have taken one for this one. I will for sure before the next laser.

Blessings to you and all of yours.

All right then

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July 19 “Nine days healed”

I’m actually pleased with the progress with the treatment. I don’t know how many more i will need. I wish I could afford to take off twenty layers.

The red is still in the scar. It’s the part that Henry called Roly Polies…..right when it finally almost goes away its time for another treatment so I’m not sure what it looks like. It feels like its more level with the rest of my face so I think that’s what his goal is. He says time will be what lightens the scar the most.

Part of me thinks why in the world am I trying so hard to make this slash across my face look better when I stand a chance it will appear again some other place on me. They tell you to try and not worry so much about it returning but how do you not? I can’t just push it out of my mind and quit worrying. I’m wondering if I would have the strength to fight if it got bad.

I have my six month checkup on my heart this coming Monday. I’m sure everything will check out ok. I pray it does. Since they really don’t know what damaged my heart then it scares me a little that what ever it was could happen again. I don’t think it could take much more damage.

I know I’m worrying a little too much. This is my first heart checkup since the cancer all of a sudden appeared. I’m sure being anxious is normal. I’m trying to put things into perspective. Surely this is a normal feeling. I had a root canal get infected and I have to be careful with endocarditis. I take mega dose of antibiotics before dental procedures. I tried to get through to my Cardiologist to let him know I had a infection and couldn’t get past the nurse. She left me a message and said I needed to call my primary care doctor. Wellllll let me just say that a doctors staff can make or break his practice. I’m going to try my best to not have to see this particular nurse Monday. I just can’t possibly see how I can work with this heart doctor if I do not appreciate his nurse.

Wow, this didn’t turn out to be a very encouraging entry today. I do have some pictures…….promise to get them posted. It just seems like life takes up most of my days and hardly leaves me any extra time.

I promise next entry will be better. I really do feel encouraged that it will eventually look better with time.

My Jesus Calling devotional for July 19 hit it right on the nail….. Maybe I should share it here too.

Thank you so much for your comments. It really does encourage me. It reminds me that I really do have people walking on this journey with me. I couldn’t ask for better support.

Thank you, thank you…….I love and appreciate all of you.

 

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Three Month full body check

I wen’t to my full body cancer check today. Had a nice encouraging visit with Dr. Julie. She didn’t see anything too alarming but decided to freeze two spots on my face since my face was messed up already anyway….. That smarts pretty good but I’d rather the spots be gone. She also checked my lymph-nodes.

I guess I have four weeks before the next treatment. I’m looking forward to all this being over, if that ever happens?? Patience has never been one of my strengths. It looks like it will be in my life forever.

Thank you Dear God for the check up. I don’t take one day for granted any more. Every day is a blessing. We should live each day as if it were our last. Tell your loved one that you love them every day. It very well could be your last “I love You”

Post Second Laser Treatment

This morning was my second laser treatment. It seemed like it went pretty fast but frankly when it’s hurting that bad, you sort of want it to go fast. This time was more painful.

I put that numbing cream on three times thinking the more the better. I’m not sure that helped any and I think he had the laser turned up because he knows I want to see results. I guess I shouldn’t be so impatient but I’ve been through so much that I’m ready to see something good.

This time when I sat up he said the recovery time on this one would be five to seven days. I’m okay with that and I’ve got to where I don’t put much thought into what people think. Going through this kind of cancer with such a invasive scar, you have to be humbled at one point. I am……..

So I get to the room and they let me know that I won the $300. gift certificate for helping to vote for Dr. Jim in the Readers Choice of the City. He was up against three other plastic surgeons. We are so proud that he was nominated and I don’t think winning is always necessary. I’m pretty sure there are outside firms that can be hired to do the voting for you which a lot of the people use but who wants to win because you paid to win. I’m proud that he was nominated.

He reminded me today that the color of the scar or the lightness of it will come with time. I figured that but from the very beginning he said fair skin blue eyed people make good scars so I’m going to count on that for sure.

I have to say that this time was way more painful. Going home I had my air-conditioner going full blast on my face as cold as it would go. As soon as I got home which wasn’t fast enough I filled a ice bag and got a little hand held fan to fan my face. Now I have always been pretty tough and could handle quite a bit of pain but this one hurt. Once I got it under control I have been okay.

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Second Treatment in a few days.

I’m getting ready for my second treatment in a few days. I’m not nervous. I’m not looking forward to feeling like my face is on fire but that doesn’t last too long.

I know my face will never look the same again and I’m thinking maybe I should quit worrying and focus my prayers on praying the cancer doesn’t return. How lucky I’d be if that one time was the only battle I’d have to fight. But since when have I been lucky?

There’s been so much going on lately. I don’t understand how God allows so much on our shoulders at one time. Am I not passing the test to His liking?

Just feeling overwhelmed today. I don’t know how much more I can take.