Looking Back at Last Year

New Years Eve and it was 19 degrees today. I made my way up to the hematologist office for a blood draw. I have one more next Wednesday and I have to say I will be so glad when this is over. It’s nothing serious I don’t think. My body makes very few white blood cells and hasn’t for about 35 years. She thinks I have some kind of autoimmune disease.

I don’t want this post to be about my health although there is a lot going on.  A lot of trying to figure out things. My knee joints keep coming out of their sockets if I’m not careful. I can hardly get my body up in the standing position to walk. At first We thought the Crestor has done irreversible damage to my muscles and connective tissue but who knows. I see a RA the last of February so I guess we will find out. I am so sick of feeling this way and I feel in my heart that my family is sick of me too. So without making this entry about what’s going on now, I’ll move on.

I wanted to finalize my journey through cancer but I think it’s going to be a part of my life every three months. Melanoma is sort of tricky, sneaky crazy stuff that can hide in your hair. Let me say, you have to know your own body very well because there is no way your doctor could look over every square inch. I get freaked out when I find a spot that lingers too long. That is the secret to my kind of cancer, which wasn’t pigmented. Remember? It was a pretty pink spot. So actually I might just think it’s a regular bump.

I don’t know where I left off with the surgeries. The first or second fat injection and scar revision? There won’t be a third. The last one I almost bled to death. They had to keep me under sedation two extra hours to try and stop the bleeding. He said that I had a unusually large vein that got cut and wouldn’t stop bleeding.

I came home that night stapled together like Frankenstein and I may just post some pictures so you will believe me. I think (in my opinion) there was a rush to stitch me back up so it turned out ugly. When my primary care doctor saw me for something else she said I needed to go up there stat, that it looked bad. The whole purpose of that surgery was to put the second fat injection in my eye that had a big sunken in place but also as important was to revise the scars so that I could wear my hair up and wear it in a ponytail when I wanted. I don’t even know why i keep it longer because I’d rather it be up. So I not only almost bled to death, I now had uglier scars. What? that was my purpose of spending the money. I thought Plastic Surgeons automatically made beautiful tiny scars that could hardly be seen. Well I didn’t get any pretty ones. I felt like mine all looked like a General Surgeon had sewn me up. Does the big scar on my face look good now? I know some of you will say but oh Vickie it looks so good. You know why it does? Because I spent a lot of money and went through some very painful laser resurfacing procedures. They can’t just laser your scar, they have to burn off your whole face. So yes, my big scar looks good because I paid the money and pain to get it that way.
I also came out of that surgery with two huge patches of my hair shaved off, all the way up higher than my ears. It looked like I had a Mohawk up to about my knowledge bone.The first surgery I had two tiny places shaved so why the excessive  removal of my hair this time. I know why but I’m choosing at this time to keep it to my self.  So needless to say I have not been able to wear my hair up or in a ponytail which is what the surgery was for in the first place.

The other day, I’m guessing six months later, the shaved hair grew out enough for me to cut the rest of my hair to meet it. My hair is pretty short but I figure it should grow pretty fast. It usually does.


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