Patience is my worst virtue

I feel like my leg muscles are getting worse. It’s taking every ounce of energy in my arms to get myself standing and my legs are excruciatingly painful when I try to use them to get up. It just doesn’t seem like a common vitamin D defiency. I am not very trusting of doctors points of view now days. 

I’ve been searching for things I can eat that contain D. Man there’s hardly anything. I did get some whole milk and a bottle of Hershey chocolate to make it drinkable. I’ll take the cod liver oil when I find it. I sat out yesterday in the morning sun to try and get some D. I hope Dr Julie approves of that. 

My mental health is declining. I put on a fake smile but my joy is gone. I cried out to God this morning when I was struggling to stand, “How can I Glorify You more through this struggle?” What other purpose do we have infirmities but to Glorify God through them? I want to give God all the glory when I am healed. I give Him Glory now. 

I just write this because it’s my true heart. My life has been a battle since the melanoma in 2013. I’m growing weary. I know it’s hard for you to understand unless you have been there. Losing most of your physical ability to raise your body up is very scary. Losing the muscle control is enough to bear but to have them be painful is unbearable. 

I’m already ready for this boot to be off. I think my bone is healing good. A bump is there where it’s crooked but at this point I don’t care. I pray no more bones break. 

I’m sorry to write about such downer things but it’s my reality. I want the old Vickie back. I pray God allows her to come back soon. I pray God heals me soon so I can walk and get control of my life and my home. I’m so discouraged. 

Dear Heavenly Father, healer of all, Creator of the Universe, please heal this broken messed up body. I give you all the Glory for everything. Thank You for allowing me to be able to walk. I’ll never take that for granted no matter how painful it is. Thank You for making me stronger and better through these battles. May others see Your reflection in my face. In our precious Jesus name. Amen. 

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