I’m ready to talk a little

One week ago today since my surgery. The jury is still out whether I’m glad I did it or not. Right at this moment I’m thinking not. The stitches come out tomorrow and that day can’t come fast enough. They are pulling and making me want to rub them and there’s one on my eye that makes me scream when I touch it. Eye’s are so tender. If I was brave enough, I’d cut them out myself. Some of them don’t even have knots in them. They just have long threads so I could just pull on them and I bet they would come out…………Okay, settle down, I won’t.

I’m trying to pick a gross picture to show you but there are so many I’m having a hard time choosing. I’ll find one or maybe take some time lapsed pictures showing the healing. So I far I just keep looking worse every day, not better. What’s the deal?

So here’s my first entry to my corrective procedure. One of my main goals was to have both my eyes match again and be the same size. Right now they do not. But Dr Jim has assured me it will get better and better every day. I believe him. I just have to be patient. You know me and being patient. This is a good test for me.

I think he used 2000 lb blue marlin test line to sew me back together. I’m hoping and praying it feels better when they are all cut out……

Here’s a picture of my chin, I’ll show you that much……..ha ha

8-1-13

I thought I would post this picture. This is three weeks since I did the second laser. Do you think the scar looks lighter? One more time? I say yes……

Getting nuked in a few days

I hate that I’m feeling like my blog might be, “follow Vickie on all her medical problems” instead of just healing from this crazy cancer.

I feel like I’m being put to the test and fire and I’m getting a little weary of trying to figure this thing out. I feel like I have had more than my share.

I had my six month check up on my heart and he seemed to think I was doing good enough to go six more months before my next echo and next appointment. Good thing. My blood work was good besides the low white cells which is chronic for some reason no one knows.

He did ask me to schedule another heart scan because it had been four years since my last one. The one I had in 2009 was horrible and with a plaque score of 255 we have been trying to stop the progression of it by me taking the highest dose of Crestor. I’m feeling like It’s just not in my predestined life that I get better. My plaque score had doubled to 458 What do I do now? Dr. Spielman says we may need to get my cholesterol down in the real low range. Of course that means more medication that puts a task on your liver.

I was quite shocked. My blood work had looked like all this time that it was going to work. He was very pleased with my cholesterol numbers for four years now. I guess it wasn’t working after all to stop the progression of plaque.

What do I do now? Anything above 400 is looked at as high risk. If I doubled my score in four years, what is it going to be in four more years?

I don’t know what to think. I’m scheduled now for a nuclear stress test day after tomorrow. I’ve had one of these before. They are interesting to say the least. They put this stuff in your veins that make you feel like you’re having a heart attack. You feel like they are trying to kill you. I’m glad I’ll be at the heart hospital just in case they do……..

Okay, this next Wednesday I’ll do the laser again. I can’t tell if my scar looks better or not. After this one I may change my plan of action. I’m not sure anymore what I want to do. It looks like the laser it’s self would cause cancer since it burns you so bad.

I hope I can be a little more uplifting next time I post. I have had some strange phantom fumes and my new primary thinks it’s migraine related. She wants me to go to a Neurologist. I really wasn’t wanting to do that but I guess they have to rule out some bad stuff. She also wants me to do acupuncture and chiropractory. See what I’m saying? It seems like everything is bulldozing me at once. People, don’t go to the doctor!!!! I was healthier than a horse for fifty two years……. Now look what’s happening.

I’m going to hit send. I started this last week. I need to get it out. I may go back and see if there are any pictures I can post. I should have taken one for this one. I will for sure before the next laser.

Blessings to you and all of yours.

All right then

July 19 “Nine days healed”

I’m actually pleased with the progress with the treatment. I don’t know how many more i will need. I wish I could afford to take off twenty layers.

The red is still in the scar. It’s the part that Henry called Roly Polies…..right when it finally almost goes away its time for another treatment so I’m not sure what it looks like. It feels like its more level with the rest of my face so I think that’s what his goal is. He says time will be what lightens the scar the most.

Part of me thinks why in the world am I trying so hard to make this slash across my face look better when I stand a chance it will appear again some other place on me. They tell you to try and not worry so much about it returning but how do you not? I can’t just push it out of my mind and quit worrying. I’m wondering if I would have the strength to fight if it got bad.

I have my six month checkup on my heart this coming Monday. I’m sure everything will check out ok. I pray it does. Since they really don’t know what damaged my heart then it scares me a little that what ever it was could happen again. I don’t think it could take much more damage.

I know I’m worrying a little too much. This is my first heart checkup since the cancer all of a sudden appeared. I’m sure being anxious is normal. I’m trying to put things into perspective. Surely this is a normal feeling. I had a root canal get infected and I have to be careful with endocarditis. I take mega dose of antibiotics before dental procedures. I tried to get through to my Cardiologist to let him know I had a infection and couldn’t get past the nurse. She left me a message and said I needed to call my primary care doctor. Wellllll let me just say that a doctors staff can make or break his practice. I’m going to try my best to not have to see this particular nurse Monday. I just can’t possibly see how I can work with this heart doctor if I do not appreciate his nurse.

Wow, this didn’t turn out to be a very encouraging entry today. I do have some pictures…….promise to get them posted. It just seems like life takes up most of my days and hardly leaves me any extra time.

I promise next entry will be better. I really do feel encouraged that it will eventually look better with time.

My Jesus Calling devotional for July 19 hit it right on the nail….. Maybe I should share it here too.

Thank you so much for your comments. It really does encourage me. It reminds me that I really do have people walking on this journey with me. I couldn’t ask for better support.

Thank you, thank you…….I love and appreciate all of you.

 

Three Month full body check

I wen’t to my full body cancer check today. Had a nice encouraging visit with Dr. Julie. She didn’t see anything too alarming but decided to freeze two spots on my face since my face was messed up already anyway….. That smarts pretty good but I’d rather the spots be gone. She also checked my lymph-nodes.

I guess I have four weeks before the next treatment. I’m looking forward to all this being over, if that ever happens?? Patience has never been one of my strengths. It looks like it will be in my life forever.

Thank you Dear God for the check up. I don’t take one day for granted any more. Every day is a blessing. We should live each day as if it were our last. Tell your loved one that you love them every day. It very well could be your last “I love You”

Post Second Laser Treatment

This morning was my second laser treatment. It seemed like it went pretty fast but frankly when it’s hurting that bad, you sort of want it to go fast. This time was more painful.

I put that numbing cream on three times thinking the more the better. I’m not sure that helped any and I think he had the laser turned up because he knows I want to see results. I guess I shouldn’t be so impatient but I’ve been through so much that I’m ready to see something good.

This time when I sat up he said the recovery time on this one would be five to seven days. I’m okay with that and I’ve got to where I don’t put much thought into what people think. Going through this kind of cancer with such a invasive scar, you have to be humbled at one point. I am……..

So I get to the room and they let me know that I won the $300. gift certificate for helping to vote for Dr. Jim in the Readers Choice of the City. He was up against three other plastic surgeons. We are so proud that he was nominated and I don’t think winning is always necessary. I’m pretty sure there are outside firms that can be hired to do the voting for you which a lot of the people use but who wants to win because you paid to win. I’m proud that he was nominated.

He reminded me today that the color of the scar or the lightness of it will come with time. I figured that but from the very beginning he said fair skin blue eyed people make good scars so I’m going to count on that for sure.

I have to say that this time was way more painful. Going home I had my air-conditioner going full blast on my face as cold as it would go. As soon as I got home which wasn’t fast enough I filled a ice bag and got a little hand held fan to fan my face. Now I have always been pretty tough and could handle quite a bit of pain but this one hurt. Once I got it under control I have been okay.

 

Second Treatment in a few days.

I’m getting ready for my second treatment in a few days. I’m not nervous. I’m not looking forward to feeling like my face is on fire but that doesn’t last too long.

I know my face will never look the same again and I’m thinking maybe I should quit worrying and focus my prayers on praying the cancer doesn’t return. How lucky I’d be if that one time was the only battle I’d have to fight. But since when have I been lucky?

There’s been so much going on lately. I don’t understand how God allows so much on our shoulders at one time. Am I not passing the test to His liking?

Just feeling overwhelmed today. I don’t know how much more I can take.

Healed after first Laser

The little red spots will go away. I bet after zapping it two more times it will be really light in color. That’s what we want. I am bound and determined to get rid of the ugly brown spots too. I think I deserve a little extra treatment.

My first laser resurfacing

I was so excited to do this that I didn’t care if it hurt like a son of a gun. Now I have to wait and see what it looks like in a week or two. I have another one scheduled in a month.

He did it pretty aggressively because I ask him to. I told him I wanted to see some results and if he wanted me to come back for two more, I better see some results.

It really smarts when it’s firing the lights. I can’t imagine what it would feel like without numbing cream. Ouch!!

I’m trying to pick out a picture of my ugly red face to show you but for now, this is the picture you get to see. I’ll also take a picture tomorrow so we can see the stages of the healing process.

So number one laser resurfacing is behind me.

Did I mention Dr Jim is up for one of the top five plastic surgeons by people’s choice? Go vote for him please. There’s a link on my home page.

Thank you everyone for following along with me. I appreciate the company. 🙂

Two Month Mark

Well, here it is. No makeup on. Taken with my phone late this evening. He was right. It seemed like it had lightened up and then gradually got darker as we neared the two month mark. I’m hoping it lightens up again or that the laser helps.

I slowed down on using the prosil. i started getting bumps all over my face and frankly even though it was probably just a reaction, it alarmed me. I’m going to start practicing with some makeup and see if I can feel better about myself.

In a week I’m going to do the first laser treatment. Dr. Jim said they have to laser your whole face, they can’t just laser the scar. Heck yeah, laser my whole body, I’m game. This getting old granny skin sucks!!

It blasts thousands of tiny holes in your skin forcing it to make new collagen to heal its self. So in turn after it heals you have new skin. He said it will ooze and be crusty and of course I will show pictures. You know me, I’m not hiding. I want women to know there is hope that you can look better even after having a surgery like mine.

I’ve been letting a little fear creep in that the cancer will come back. One reason it’s because of things people say. The lady who checked my groceries said her father got it in his brain six months after he had a spot removed off his nose. Of course it quickly claimed his life. I can’t figure out how she thought sharing that information with me would be comforting. I was going to write a whole blog on this very thing. People really do need to think before they speak. I’m not talking about walking on eggshells, just use your brain.

Okay, I’m one day late getting this up. If I don’t hit publish now, it may be three months. 🙂

The reveal

I’ve been pretty good about going outside my house and letting strangers see me but Friday I have to go to a funeral and that means all the family and most of the people I care about will be seeing my face for the first time. That makes me very anxious and nervous. I wish I could disguise it so no one can tell but I can’t.

I’m nearing my two month mark again on this second surgery. Remember the drill…..that’s when the scar will look its worst. I’m still not sure why but in this case it’s true. It’s not looking real good. After the first surgery I didn’t get to make it past the two month mark so I have no idea when it’s suppose to start looking better.

I’ve actually only left the prosil off and put makeup on twice so I have been being diligent about doing my part. Twelve weeks with the prosil. It feels like its been six months but I know it’s not.

Please forgive me if I’m repeating myself. It’s just getting boring and I’m ready for something good to happen. I’m ready to blow torch four layers of skin off. Let’s get this ball rolling.

I need to tell you about my interesting trip to the grocery store when I can get a chance. Maybe I’ll do that real soon.

Houston we’ve made connection

I think some of the sensory nerves that were cut are starting to connect a little. I remember that point on the first surgery. Nerves had started to connect again and even just the corner of the pillow touching my cut woke me up saying. “Ouch.” I guess maybe I’m at that point again from this second surgery. It’s starting to get tender. I’m not complaining. I’d rather get the sensations back and feel a little pain than for it to remain numb forever. One crazy thing I’ve noticed even after the first surgery, when I touch the upper eyelid, I feel it on the bottom eyelid. It’s really kind of strange. I don’t know if that will ever work it’s self out because its been that way and happening since the first surgery. Funny strange feeling 🙂

I hope your day is blessed. I just wanted to share this little bit of interesting info with you. I must have had two nerve ends that didn’t belong together, made connection…. 🙂

Just thinking out loud

I’m going to get my permanent crown today. I pray it lasts until I’m dead. I seem to be pretty hard on teeth. It’s either that or I feel way too much, things normal people don’t feel. I’m drawing to the conclusion that I’m strange. Maybe different would be a better word.

So I thought I was ready to change my profile picture on Facebook to a current picture but I guess I’m not ready. I can’t stand to look at it. I don’t think I even left it up for one day. I guess it’s part of the process you have to go through. No one knows how you would react until you go through it. I guess I’ll know when I’m ready.

May is melanoma skin cancer awareness month. You guys and girls protect your skin. Stay out of those tanning salons. Put your sun screen on those cheeks all you motorcycle riders. You don’t want to end up like me.

For now, I’ll go. Better get ready for the dentist.

My Piggy Bank

Did you know anything I need to do to make my scar better is coming strait out of my pocket? Insurance doesn’t care if I have a big scar on my face. It just doesn’t seem fair as much as we have to pay for coverage, does it?

Well I’m somehow going to save enough money to fix my face. If that means cutting back even though I don’t feel like I spend frevilously, I’ll cut and save so I can get my scar revised. I deserve that..!! I’m feeling a little emotionally drained today..!!

33 Days healed

I’ve lost track how long I have to do the Prosil. Maybe I’ll remember tomorrow. This is day 33 since my last surgery and I tried putting a little makeup on the rest of my face. I’m not sure it helps……..

Needless to say I’m trying to stay busy. This is statement time so the first few days of the month are crazy. Oh, and I opened a letter from the IRS saying they found a mistake on our return a couple of years ago and we owed over 36,000 dollars. Yeah right!!  There’s always something to stir your nerves all up, isn’t there?

Here’s a picture from this morning. I’ll be so glad when I can do the things I have planned. But I can’t until it’s all healed.

Day 32

I’m trying to take a picture of  day 32 so I can show the progress and the pics are all ugly. I don’t think there’s any progress. But Dr. Jim and Dr. Julie both siad it looked great. Even a few nurses said it looked good. What on earth did they see that I don’t see?

I think I’m going to have to wait until I can have six layers of skin laser-ed off my face. Maybe it would help if I put a little make up on. Some things even makeup can’t help. Isn’t it funny how when you look at something in a mirror, you think it doesn’t look too too bad, then you take a picture and picture’s don’t lie. Obviously mirrors do…….lol

Why does time seem like it just crawls when you want it to hurry?? I’m tired of waiting. God is certainly teaching me patience, isn’t He? I’m not doing very good and I should be ashamed…… If I would hurry up and learn my lessons maybe I can move on to the next test.

Let’s get this show on the road. How about getting the ball rolling? Head em up, move em out…….I’m tired of sitting around mildewing……

Forgive me Lord.

A month of healing

I was able to see Dr Julie and Dr Jim this last Thursday and both were very pleased at how my scar looked. Don’t you imagine they see some pretty ugly ones? Dr. Jim could tell I had been doing my part. You know? I also believe with all my heart that this last few months I have found favor in Gods eyes. I feel so unworthy of any favor but I humbly accept it. Thank you God for this journey I’ve been on. If we can ever just learn to trust Him……even in the bad times.

I’ve been very faithful to put on the prosil and even ordered a second tube. I’m still not exactly sure what its doing but it must be doing something. Maybe I’ll post a recent picture so you can be the judge.

He did remind me that the scar would look its worse at two months so I have four more weeks to reach the two month mark. I’m not going to like that.

Some days my attitude is better than others. I finally was able to find a new primary care doctor and I love her. You don’t know how difficult that was going through this cancer ordeal and not having a primary care Dr. I could call on. I think I’m going to love her.

I’m trying to get back to normal and get into the grove of my life. I’ve done about three photo shoots and have a couple more coming up. That’s not my full time job but I enjoy so much the creative part of it. I wish I could do it full time. But I’m thinking it would never work. I put WAY too much of myself into my pictures. That’s why I can really only take on my regulars. I don’t have the time to add many more clients.

You all you have prayed for me and who continue to pray for me, I can never repay you and will forever be indebted to you for your love and support.

I have to get to work. I just wanted to stop and say hi. These next few weeks are going to be pretty boring. Maybe I’ll do a series of pictures like a time warp.

So Remind Me

I can’t hardly stand to go back and look at old pictures. It was really making me sad. I can’t believe I’m having that reaction. I thought I was made of a little tougher material. I find myself not even wanting the old pictures up anymore because that’s not me now. But it was me then so I hope I get over wanting to do that.

I have to keep reminding myself what the alternative would have been. Like the surgeon said, What’s the use of being pretty if you’re laying in a casket.

I have to keep reminding myself how close we cut it and how lucky I was that I had it checked when I did. We got it just in the nick of time. Thank you Jesus.

I have to keep reminding myself that there are so many people out there fighting way bigger battles and at least I’m alive.

I have to keep reminding my self that God must surely have a purpose in allowing this in my life and that I can glorify His name through it all.

I have to keep reminding myself that this ugly scar does not define me. It does not control me. It does not represent who I am.

I have to keep reminding myself that if I’m patient, time will make it look better and my Dr. can make it look better.

It just makes me sad to see old pictures. I can’t stand to pass a mirror. Some times I forget it’s there and then I get a rude awakening.

I’m just human 😦 and I’m a lady

 

Tax Day

Wow! I think my body is still battling a bug. I’m still not myself in the early mornings fore sure. Tomorrow is the second half of my root canal so I’m hoping that goes well. I should have never thought I could go through major dental work and facial surgery at the same time. I don’t know what got into me. I must have thought I was super woman….ha ha. I’ll soon be making my appointment to get the posts put in for my new indestructible teeth. I’m excited to get all that finished. I just do not know how people manage without all their teeth. I have to absolutely have ALL my teeth.

I started my prosil treatment on my scar. It takes twelve weeks for it to do it’s thing. It says also if your scar stops responding to it then it’s done all it’s going to do. I’m not sure what that means but I’m going to ask.

I think I will for sure be doing a laser treatment. When we started this process, Dr. Lowe said we could do the C02 laser but the nurse said the other day he would use the pixel laser. I hope he uses what ever laser I want. It’s my face, right? I’ve tried to do some research on both of them to see which one would be best for me. He will have to laser my whole face and not just my scar.

The skin under my eye is stretched just about as far as it can be stretched. I’m hoping some of the skin under the scar gives a little, so there won’t be so much tension on that thin tender skin right under my eye.

After the laser which I cant do for about six to eight months, If i’m not happy with that, I’m going to have the other side of my face pulled tight so it will match the other side. Yep! I am……it’s called a mini face lift. I don’t want to look fake but I am going to try my best to build my confidence back up. I definitely don’t like walking into a place and have everyone look at me. That’s not a good feeling at all. I hate it.

I did get my income tax returns post marked today. Did you? Oh I bet most of you get loads of money back so you get them in early. We don’t…..ha ha

Below is a picture I took today. Twenty days since my last surgery. I have the prosil on the scar. I wish it was a little more matte and not shiny. But hey, got to give it a try.

Highs and Lows

Wow! I have been dealing with some up and downs that came out of no where. I thought I was doing really good with the new me. After all there’s not much I can do to change it.

I am still so appreciative of a second chance at life. I’m also grateful that we got it in the earlier stages. None of those things will ever be forgotten in my heart.

What I’m experiencing right now is the feelings of seeing ugly every time I have to look in the mirror.

I know these things are so trivial to you but they are deep to me.

Every day that more and more swelling goes out, the looks of the incision change. For a couple of days just out if no where it got real dark and it seemed like I was going to have a permanent dark shadow right below my eye.

I saw the surgeon last week. He said just as soon as the scabs are gone I can start the prosil. I’m not exactly sure what the stuff does but he said something about it actually changing the protons in my skin. It’s a irritant so that’s why the scabs have to be gone. It’s a silicone shield that holds in moisture and lets it get oxygen. Supposedly a perfect environment for a scar. Twelve weeks of that and then we go from there.

I think I’m just making adjustments to my attitude.

I think my immune system must be taxed because I feel like I have a bug. I have felt bad all day long. Will the day ever come? Will I ever feel normal again. I just want to have a good day. It seems like its been so long.

Staging of melanoma

In the 2010 AJCC staging of melanoma, which of the following feature replaces Clark’s level as a primary criterion for defining T1b in thin melanomas? Thin melanoma is <1mm in thickness with 95% 5 year survival. Increasing primary tumor mitotic rates, expressed per square millimeter, were found to be associated with declining survival rates, particularly in thin melanomas, as reflected in the most recent AJCC staging scheme.

Breslow used a lot more now. Clark levels really only useful if you’re dealing with a thin melanoma (if it’s Clark 4 or 5, then it’s still a bad prognosis).

Beautiful Scar

OMG, is this not the best looking ten day old scar you have ever seen? Can you imagine what it’s going to look like after we’re done with it and God’s done with it? I’m excited..!! Can you tell? Dr. Jim Lowe, you hit it out of the ballpark this time. Wait until it starts to fade. Holy Moly, as Henry would say, this is awesome…!! Thank you Dear Jesus, the great surgeon of them all. Thank you for giving me another chance at this.

Fathom of the opera

Sitting in this chair leaning on a heating pad. I woke up with my back pinched or out of whack!!

I need a miracle because I have a photo shoot tomorrow. Back please don’t fail me now…!! I need you

While sitting here hurrying up waiting, I was thinking what I needed was a Zoro mask. Then I got to thinking, “No dummy, not a Zoro mask, you need a phantom of the opera mask!!!! I’ve never seen that musical. Maybe it’s time I do.

I DO NEED to be able to walk upright by early afternoon tomorrow. Please pray. These are college graduation pictures. I need to nail them 🙂

Stitches are coming out.

The morning right before Dr. Lowe took out the stitches. I didn’t really know he was going to take them out just a few days after my surgery so I didn’t take my photographer with me…..(ha ha) It definitely was going to be a new one. I fired the first one, remember?

I haven’t seen what it looks like without the stitches yet. I’m sure it will look better than the first one. For some reason this one looks straighter and a little bit shorter than the first one. I’m sure it is straighter but I’m not sure it could be shorter. Can you wait to see it without the black threads? Okay, I’ll take a new picture 🙂 Are you sick of my pictures yet?

He told me I would like it better. That’s sounds crazy, doesn’t it? How could I like any ugly thing like that? It’s not likable in my mind. But it saved my life so I’ll embrace it. What other choice do you have?

 

Feeling bad

I don’t feel good. I slept 12 1/2 hours last night. I wonder what’s up with that? I worked in the office 9 hours yesterday and didn’t get finished. It wasn’t because I felt good, it was because I had to. I’m ready to see the finish line, what ever the heck it is.

I’m going to take my bandage off tonight or in the morning. That will probably get me good and upset. It always shocks me in the beginning and takes me a day to get use to looking at it. I bet this time it looks way better than the first. But I don’t want to set myself up to be disappointed.

I’m hungry

I’m setting here waiting to go in for my appointment and for some reason I cried all the way up here. I don’t know why I’m so emotional and I’m certainly not walking in until I can get control of myself. I was emotional yesterday too.

I’m not scared. I just know they won’t find anything. I’m not upset about my scar and am actually going to walk in with it uncovered. It’s a beautiful scar, if scars can posses beauty. So that’s not upsetting me.

I was nauseous all morning and had my usual crackers just to keep something on my stomach. Actually ate crackers all the way up here. Taking pills on a empty stomach isn’t good. I still can’t eat. That root canal still must have infection in it. I’m supposed to see the dentist tomorrow.

I’m still on a strong antibiotic from my surgery. You would think that would take care of any infection in the tooth. I’m wondering if its resistant to the antibiotic and that’s exactly what my crazy little damaged heart can’t take.

I wonder if I’m worrying about that? I think when I leave here, I’ll put a call into my heart doctor and ask him. Maybe I’m just tired of it all. Growing weary can make people emotional. Or satan can try and upset me.

Get behind me satan. You don’t own me or control me. I’m a daughter of the King of Kings. My life has already been paid for…!!

Don’t you hate it when you don’t know why your crying? Even though I have the greatest sisters and mom in the world, the most awesome kids and grand babies, just a enormous support system, you STILL sort of feel alone. I wonder why?

Easter Sunday

Easter Sunday. A very busy week ended with a insane busy weekend. Thank you Jesus for giving your life for me so I can be forgiven…..

I was told to start letting it get air so here you go. It’s getting air.

I see him early tomorrow morning and then getting my full body check. I’m not worried. I don’t think they will find anything.

Sorry for the short entry but my reserve tank is empty.

I’m going out looking like this in the morning so world, here I come…….

Had a bad night

Wow! I had a major bad night. I had some residual pain pop up from my root canal last Thursday. That was enough to bring this grown woman to her knees. I can’t believe I’m actually trying to deal with two major things in my life at the same time. Dental procedures and facial surgery. If it doesn’t kill me I’m definatley going to be one tough cookie. And throwing in cooking for Easter dinner helps bring the stress full circle.

But thank you Jesus I called my dentist and she’s going to help me survive the weekend and finish my root canal early this week. How many dentist would just go out of their way to accommodate your life and your schedule? Not many and she’s my angel. Thank you Dr. Stewart for being my angel and I’m sorry for hunting you down on your weekend. You are the best and I always know I can count on you.

So I’m thinking about trying to stuff some Easter eggs. At least I know I’m not going to die from Endocarditis this weekend.

Last but not least, actually it’s first in my heart. Thank you Dear Jesus for dying on the cross for me and giving your life for my sins so that I might be forgiven. You are the King of Kings.

It’s all still intact

Going to get the incision checked. I thought it bled too much and I wanted to make sure nothing busted loose. I don’t know why I’m smiling in this picture. I guess I just hate a sourpuss face. This is Day three, right? Hoping to get a new bandage and get this bloody one off. After all  Easter is here and I needed a fresh bandage so I can be in some pictures. Right? Right…….that doesn’t explain the silly face but at least I’m not pooching my lip out.

My new clean bandage. He said everything looked awesome and thankfully nothing had busted loose. Everything was still in tact. Thank you Dear Jesus.

Dr. Jim said that this scar was going to be a awesome one. He said, “I think your going to like it.” I told him I already knew I’d like it. The first one didn’t look too awfully bad and we hadn’t even started scar therapy. I am so blessed to have such a awesome team on my side.

Just Checking

I have moved my Monday appointment to see Dr Lowe to tomorrow at 2:00 just to make sure I didn’t bust some stitches. The bleeding was probably normal but I’d rather make sure. The first surgery my face was numb for three days so it wouldn’t move at all. This time I moved it way too much. I will feel better knowing its all intact. So I’m going to try and get some rest so my feet can hit the floor running.

So all will be good. I guess I will still have to go Monday for my full body check. I bet that will be fun…..NOT

No Smiling

I think I might have jumped the gun on smiling to stretch the skin. It was either that or I shouldn’t have been chewing food but I got my incision bleeding last night and it kind of scared me. I sure hope I didn’t break something open. I’m not moving my mouth until Monday until I see the surgeon. It probably wasn’t as much as I thought it was but anytime you feel something wet rolling down your face it’s sort of frightening. I’ll call the Dr. If it does it again. My bandage sure won’t be very pretty for Easter dinner.

Day Two (again)

Day two. I’m up and at my regular duties. There’s not much convalescing time when your business is a two man show. This is a busy time of the year with taxes and fixing to be the end of the month.

I slept good. Probably because I didn’t sleep much the night before. I set my phone to play an hour of a medium size rain storm and only remember about five minutes of it. I did wake up every time I turned over but that is normal. For some reason it’s all I can do to roll over with back pain. And one time my face got stuck to my pillow and I had to carefully un-peal myself from the pillow case.

Both my cheeks are hot and rosy so there my be a tiny bit of fever in there. The incision didn’t get numbed this time so I woke up in recovery this time hurting. The last surgery the numbing lasted three days. This time I don’t think he hardly used any. He said he was sorry. So I’m having to take the pain pills which I don’t like to have to do.

I’ve decided that if I do a lot of fake smiling that the skin will stretch faster. Only thing it hurts to smile right now. I’ll have to fake smile right after a pain pill. How’s this for fake smiling?

This time it not only pulled my eye down, it pulled my lip higher. That might be good to have a higher lip but not a droopy eye.

I hope I’m not coming off like I’m vain. I think it’s more of my impatient nature. I know in the end they won’t leave me disfigured but I don’t want to wait for the skin to stretch, I want it now..!! Today..!!

I promise pictures when I get use to looking at them first. That’s my purpose in this blog is for you to walk it with me so I know that includes pictures 😉

This is part of my “Jesus Calling” devotional for today.

Be still in My Presence, even though countless tasks clamor for your attention. Nothing is as important as spending time with Me. While you wait in My Presence, I do My best work within you: transforming you by the renewing of your mind. If you skimp on this time with Me, you may plunge headlong into the wrong activities, missing the richness of what I have planned for you.

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Lord this is your daughter Vickie, help me to be patient so that I can let You do your best work in me.

March 26th The Day

I’m not sure at this point I want to go out in public. Another big piece has been removed from my face. It was a lot.

I know I’m suppose to be the big brave tower of strength but I felt myself crumble today. I have been emotionally weak most of the day.

He’s expecting the pathology to come back in my favor but wanted to remind me that since the cancer skips, it certainly could come back to where we have to cut again. And since I’m so darn unlucky, that scares me. Also a friend that’s a Dr. wants me to take it very serious and watch it very close.

I’m hoping it stops. I want it dead.

We are starting the healing process all over from the beginning. I can see where a person could grow weary but I’m going to try and stay positive. It’s just not me to stay down for the count.

Maybe a picture tomorrow. I’ll just add them to this entry so watch for them that’s if you want to see them.

I don’t look very happy here. It was a lot better when I had all the kids and family there to distract me. This second surgery I told them not to fuss over me that it was going to be a piece of cake. Anyways, this is what it looked like right before he drew on me with the magic marker

This is the markings of what he took out. Of course they cut on the outside of the blue line. I was sort of prepared but it’s always shocking to see it in a picture. My face is feeling pretty tight now. See how much more that eye is opened up than the other side. It’s even more opened now.

Trying to look fake happy that it’s over. Looks like they gave me a iodine bath.

Phase two after the recovery room. The room you have to drink and pee and stand in before they will let you go home.

Depends on the way I hold my head whether the droop shows as bad. Maybe it’s if my mouth is closed that pulls my eye down. I’ll just have to walk around with my mouth open all the time……lol.

Waiting On Me

Waiting On Me

This is my Jesus Calling devotional for today, March 26th, the day of my surgery.

“Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do. It entails trusting Me with every fiber of your being, instead of trying to figure things out yourself. Waiting on Me is the way I designed you to live: all day, every day. I created you to stay conscious of Me as you go about your daily duties.”

“I have promised many blessings to those who wait on Me: renewed strength, living above one’s circumstances, resurgence of hope, awareness of My continual Presence. Waiting on Me enables you to glorify Me by living in deep dependence on Me, ready to do My will. It also helps you to enjoy Me; in My Presence is fullness of Joy.”

I liked the first part – “Waiting on Me means directing your attention to Me in hopeful anticipation of what I will do.” I like to think about all the possibilities of what His plans are.

The whole thing spoke to my heart for this particular day. It says for me to trust God with every fiber of my being instead of trying to figure things out myself, to live in deep dependence on Him and ready to do His will. I could sure use a resurgence of hope.

I know there will always be a fear in me that another cancer will appear. That’s the way they usually play their dirty game. We will be vigilant to keep our eye out but just like mine proved, melanoma doesn’t have to be dark and ugly. So I don’t want to freak out every time a pink spot appears. I hope God gives me wisdom to know the difference.

I’ll come post after my surgery is over and I wake up.

Surgery Two Tomorrow

I hope I can get some sleep tonight. I have a 6:00 check in time and that’s way too early. That’s before the rooster crows, isn’t it?

I’ve kinda been in a somber mood today. There wasn’t much that motivated me. I did what absolutely had to be done and that’s it.

I have to find something to wear tomorrow that’s easy to get over my head. Surely to goodness I won’t have my head wrapped in gauze this time.

The wind sounds bone chilling and when I get cold all the way to my bones, there’s hardly anything that can warm me. Beautiful sun shining spring, please come back!! I have Easter goodies to buy.

I’m not sure if my nerves are just now starting to grow back together where they have been cut but several times in the last two days I’ve experienced pain in my incision. I bet that’s what it is or either its pulling because its healing. I can’t hardly complain much.

I have another surgery again tomorrow. Then we start the healing process over from the beginning. I’ll be a pro at it this time. I have decided I’m going to tell him to take as much as he needs to take. I don’t want to do this again. They are so sparingly because its your face. If it were your arm or leg, they would take huge margins because its such dangerous stuff. Well, I want to make sure it’s gone. If one little bit were left in there to grow, it could kill me.

I’m not afraid to die but I think God has some more planned for me to do. Thank you if you are praying for me. Words can’t express my appreciation.

Two More Days

Two more days and I get cut on again. I’m a little nervous. Of course it doesn’t have anything to do with cancer except for that fact they will test what he cuts out to make sure it doesn’t have any cancer in it. But it won’t, I’m sure.

I’m a little more concerned wether it will make my eye pull down when he takes out another quarter of a inch. It’s pretty tight as it is right now. I would hope if it did, insurance would let him fix it. We certainly pay enough for that coverage.

I’ve been noticing that the scar is getting darker which in turn makes me want to cover it up. I just don’t want it to be the main focus on my face.

After Tuesday we will start all over again anyway. But after Tuesday maybe I can see the finish line in sight. I sure hope so. That would be horrible if another one decides to show up. Let’s hope and pray it was a one time deal for me. It’s just human nature to worry. Right?

I put my full trust in The Lord and know without a doubt that he is doing a good work in me.

Root Canal 911

I need to get caught up on this roller-coaster ride before I’m so behind I forget.

Last week was a fairly good week. Knowing spring was on it’s way always brightens my spirits, doesn’t it yours? I truly think that is why God created seasons. It gives us hope of a change that’s coming. I usually welcome them all. When they show up I’m usually ready for the next one within a few days…..lol. Except maybe spring or fall. I don’t know which one is my favorite.

All week I noticed that my right arm had started hurting. Weird sort of, but not totally surprised. I have had bursitis in that arm before so I thought maybe that was it. I also thought maybe my cholesterol medicine, Crestor may have turned on my body like the Vytorin had done after taking it for two years. What it does, it attacks your muscles and joints and makes you feel like your about 90 years old. So I thought, Oh no not again. My arm was in extreme pain, would go numb, tingle, it felt like it weighed twenty pounds…..it was doing some strange things. Don’t worry, I knew it wasn’t my heart. Then yesterday morning I got some bumps. Turns out I had the shingles. I have been under a lot of stress and on a lot of antibiotics. The pharmacist says that you can get them if your immune system has been compromised. Since I don’t make a lot of white blood cells, I figured my body had been fighting pretty hard. I think I have already went through the hardest part. Either that or I am so use to being in pain that I just think they are almost gone. I got the valtex filled but I didn’t start taking it. I just didn’t want to take another pill right now. I’m sick of pills. It’s basically just the hurting and heaviness left.

The first day of spring and the sun was shining. Gary and I went to the dermatologist for a quick check of a few spots. When I say quick, I mean quick! I think we shared a fifteen minute appointment so you can see why I say quick. She froze the spot on my back and said it was some name I can’t remember, I know, I’m sorry. I’m not good with technical names. Anyways and said that it was probably precancerous.  Gary is going back tomorrow to have a spot removed off of his face. I’m not sure he wants to be a part of my blog…ha ha. He actually doesn’t even know I’m writing this blog. He for some reason thinks we should always live everything in private, that no one should know our business. I’m going with him but I think I’ll set out in the waiting room.

So as the story goes, today the second day of spring, I had a 3:45 appointment to get a small filling filled. Remember, I have had two molars extracted to get ready for the indestructible implants? Yeah, they don’t know me when they say indestructible. Apparently I am pretty hard on teeth….lol. I have a lot of money invested in this mouth. So it’s spring break and lots of kids having dentists appointments so the 3:45 Thursday was as quick as I could get in. When she pulled the first tooth it revealed some decay close to the gum and there was a old filling in there but it wasn’t one of those monster fillings that a lot of my generation got back in our childhood. Those are the two I’m finally replacing with implants. Anyways, I get there for my appointment and she gets me good and numb. It takes so much to get me numb and it wasn’t anything different this time. She took the ole filling out and there sat the big ole nerve so guess what? My poor sweet dentist had to do a root canal on me. I panicked at first when she said it had to have a root canal because I had a dentist one time fill a tooth with a nerve exposed and when the numb wore off I thought I was going to die. That’s when I changed to my dentist I have now and I must say she earned her money today. She said, “there’s no way I’m sending you home without a root canal. Both her and Melinda worked almost until 6:00 to do the first part of the root canal on me. Thank you so much Dr Stewart for always going the extra mile for me. You and Melinda both are my angels. So today turned out to be, “Root Canal 911”

This coming Tuesday is my next facial surgery. I’m not really nervous about it but I’m anxious for it to be over so I can start the healing process over one more time and then I can begin the final leg of this journey. I mean as far as this particular cancer and scar. I wore a steri strip to the dentist today. It’s getting a little uglier and I can’t put makeup on it so I decided to cover her up today. It makes me feel a little more confident. I’ll have more pictures soon.

As I understand, I’ll have to be looked at every three months for the first year and my first full body check is April first for those of you that have been asking me when. I insisted we get them started now.

I hope your day is blessed and that the weekend to come is filled with blessings too. God is good and I can still feel that he is in total control of this time in my life. I need to share some of the devotionals that I have been reading every day that have been so encouraging to me.

I got my sunscreen

We stopped at the store for a few things and I got my new 100 spf. I didn’t realize there was so many to choose from. I just wanted one that wasn’t greasy and didn’t have a smell. That stuff is not cheap.

I got a little shocker last night when I found a spot on my back that looks very very suspicious. In fact, it’s screaming, get me looked at NOW. I have to admit that this one is a little more frightening to me because it’s bigger. Does bigger mean that it’s been growing longer? Does growing longer mean there’s a bigger chance it went deep? The answer in my mind is yes but I’ll wait and let the doctor see it before I go into a full blown panic. All I can say is it looks just like what was on my face and is sitting there all by its self like it’s should’t be there.

Other than that and me needing to get this cavity filled, I had a pretty good weekend. Gary and I both decided that, yes, we think the scar is getting a little uglier. I don’t say that jokingly. He said it would look it’s worse at two month. It feel like it’s getting darker so that is probably what he meant.

I’m feeling more confident that writing this blog is the right thing to do because I don’t think there’s enough information out there that cancer doesn’t have to look ugly. It can be pretty pink. I mean, trust me, it’s hard. I’m a pretty private person and have a pretty small circle that I share my life with. Now I’m sharing this with the world. Yikes! That’s pretty scary.

I do have a good picture of the new spot but I’ll wait to see if they biopsy it. I’m sure she will. I’ll know Wednesday.

I hope your weekend was blessed and that your week starts off good tomorrow. Saturday was warm and beautiful and then today was cool and gloomy. But that’s Oklahoma for you.

I talked to a Angel today

A month today. Wow, I don’t know how I feel…..whether it’s gone fast or feels like a eternity. Does that mean I’m senile?

Dr. Jim said it’s going to look it’s worst at two months so I have four more weeks to go until I am extremely ugly. Just kidding. I actually will start the whole thing over again the 26th, then it will be two months from there.

Today started off with tons of anxiety. I had my mammogram scheduled and had totally missed last years so I was extremely nervous at having this one today. Why do we women do that? Don’t miss your checkups ladies, just do them…!! I usually feel pretty confident if I do a good job and make it every year. You at least feel like even if they find cancer, you at least got it early.

I ask to see my films today just for some peace of mind. Like I know what I’m looking at like the radiologist do……lol.  I’ve seen them before but this time was a little more important. I’ve always had the fibrocystic breast disease so to look at my films it looks like there’s cancer everywhere. That’s the reason you need to do it every year and not miss. That way they can see if any of the white masses have grown.

I’ll not be missing any more, that’s for sure. So she tells me that if they don’t call me before tomorrow ends that I can enjoy the weekend knowing that I will get my letter of approval next week. So I pray that they see no changes from 2011

I went today without covering my scar. I had actually debated myself this morning about covering it up. I know it’s only twelve days before I get cut again but I figure I have to start getting use to being comfortable in my new skin. I wish I could actually put makeup on it. I think that would help a little but for right now I can’t.

Okay, so as the story goes, some of you have read this on facebook already. As I was walking with my head tilted down, feeling very anxious of the fact that I had missed my checkup last year and with the melanoma it just seemed to make me extra nervous about this one. Plus I was still anxious about this big ole diagonal slash across my face. I sort of felt like I was just “bad luck” walking around looking for a place to happen. I didn’t want anyone looking at me.

I looked up and there stood the sweetest little Angel lady and she spoke to me so I had to raise my face to respond. She said in the sweetest voice, “You are so beautiful.” The tears just started streaming down my face and over the ugly scar on my cheek. All I could tell her was thank you. If she only knew how much her words meant to me. If she only knew………I had to gather my composure………I wonder now if she was put there in my path so God could use her to show me that people do indeed look into your eyes and into your heart, that they look past the wounds you carry.

All I know for certain is that precious woman changed my life. I’ll look at people differently from now on. Just a few simple encouraging words might just be what a person needs to continue their healing……..

Thank you God that you allowed our paths to cross today.

Sunday Shutdown

 

Yesterday, Sunday the 10th I spent most of the day sleeping. You never know when something like that is going to happen but honestly I think I had just been putting a band-aide on things for a while now. I guess it finally caught up with me. One of my dear friends said, “Well, let’s see……you have had surgery, you have had to get corporate taxes out, you had your stitches removed, you have had two teeth pulled and one emergency visit back to the dentist, you have had statements to get out, you had a family member have a serious surgery, you have had a funeral to attend, you had one son elope to marry his sweetheart and you had a very important wedding to attend. All this in less than three weeks and you question why your body shut its self down Sunday.

It does sort of sound like a lot when you put it down on paper….ha ha. When I got up Sunday morning I was having my diet coke which is like my coffee waiting for it to kick in but it never did. I don’t even remember a lot of the day. I’m pretty sure I stumbled through fixing him some dinner at one point and then snuggled back down in my recliner with my soft blanket. I did set my alarm on my phone at one point for 6:00 pm just in case I wouldn’t wake up and I needed to get Gary’s lunch stuff ready. I remember the alarm going off and I think I set it again for 7:00, 7:15 and 7:30…….lol. Then of course slept until I got him off to work at midnight and then slept all night until 8:00. Mind you, all that sleeping was not drug induced at all. I guess that’s just what you call a major shutdown. Good thing I was able to get Gary off to work. He wouldn’t have known what to do without me…… ha ha

 

Friday the 8th

I had an appointment with the surgeon today, Friday the 8th. I was feeling a little more confident with my scar and I think I even left the house without covering it up. Yes, I did and I think it’s on the entry I made for Day 22.

We scheduled the next surgery for a couple weeks out and I’m going to do it at Baptist again. It won’t be nothing as extensive as the first surgery but I was a little shocked when he drew on my face where he would be cutting. I have to say it was a little more than I thought it was going to be. He had told me after this whole ordeal was all said and done that he could make the other side of my face match this one if I wanted him too. Of course that would be out of our pocket. I guess insurance doesn’t reconstruct two sides of your face like they will reconstruct both breasts to match.

So I’m bringing this all up because in the beginning I thought I might not need anything done to the other side as it looks today, but after he showed me how much more he was going to have to remove, I may just have to. I guess we will wait and see…..

Wait and see……..I’ll start the healing process over at that point and then wait some more…!!!

I still know that I’m blessed beyond measure and that I’m healing good and that it COULD be so much worse. Believe me, I know that!!! I’m not in any way shape or form ungrateful for the mercies I have received so far. I thank my precious Lord and Savior everyday for walking through this journey with me. I am so thankful to Him even though I am so unworthy…….

 

22 Days

I have some pretty good pictures to show you if I can find the right time. Every time I turn on the computer these sleepy bugs just crawl in my brain and I can hardly hold my eyes open. What’s up with that?? ha ha

I saw the surgeon today and my next surgery is scheduled but I can’t remember when. I think I just need a short little nap. THEN maybe I can remember……

Lets give that a try…..Zzzzzzz

Eighteen days out

I haven’t looked underneath my bandage since I redressed it Tuesday night. I know it hasn’t changed and I’ve quite frankly been too busy have time to think about me. I was really disappointed when I looked last week so I’ve been putting off looking at it again.

Wednesday night my body shut down and took over. Have you ever had that happen? My mind even shut down. My body wasn’t moving another inch. My mind refused to think another thought and my spirit felt dark. I collapsed and two hours later woke up and felt a little better.

I’m hoping tomorrow I can get back on track. i want to focus on surrounding myself with only positive encouraging people and try and figure out what the plan is.

I see the surgeon again Friday. He’s going to ask me when I want to proceed with the next step, cutting a little more. I don’t think I’m ready but by Friday who knows what I’ll feel.

I know when I proceed, it sets me back to the beginning as far as starting the healing process all over again but it also gets me a little closer to the finish line. I know I should count my blessings that it COULD have been worse but I’m so weary right now. Ok, that’s all the complaining I’m going to do. I’m so lucky and blessed.

What would you do if you knew there were a few people that was glad your face is messed up and secretly hopes you turn out ugly?

Day Twelve I Had Hoped

Why is it we set our self up, only to be disappointed. I wonder if it’s hearing, “Oh, it’s going to look great,” and you start to believing it? But aren’t we suppose to have faith or hope that it will?

Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

I was going to write a little after I changed my bandage but I think I’m going to have to wait until tomorrow. It’s always so shocking to see each step for the first time. I have to mentally work through that step and process it before I even know what to say. It’s not very pretty but it’s not suppose to be……..

This time wasn’t any different. I think I had hoped it would look better. Perhaps a day to reflect on just how blessed I am will give me a better perspective. I want to inspire people and show them that there is HOPE. How can I do that when my heart hurts?

I guess i need a day to suck it up.

Stitches Be Gone

Yesterday started pretty good. I was a little anxious to get the stitches out. Was eight days long enough for it to have healed? It is in a place where there’s a lot of tension. The memories when Gary ask me to cut some stitches out of his leg one time popped into my head. Why on earth did I let him talk me into doing that? That sucker busted right back open bigger than Dallas. Thank goodness boys like scars because he was definitely going to have one now. That was pretty scary…….lol

Okay, back to my stitches. Gary called and ask if I wanted him to go with me and I told him he was welcome to come if he wanted but I wanted him to take some pictures. He is not a person who likes pictures at all and sees no importance of me documenting my journey so he grumbled a little and agreed. I think he just wanted to be there to hear for himself that the cancer was gone.

I needed to coach him on the camera because when Dr. Lowe came in I didn’t want to have to be saying, “Get up here and TAKE MY PICTURE!!” (I’m feeling like I need to get up and take a Valium just telling you this story….lol.) Why are men so difficult? They make you think they understand but then they do a 180 and do what they want. Let’s just say, he’s fired from taking pictures.

Dr. Lowe came in smiling like I expected. I just really like him. I know his smile is probably partly determined on my smile and attitude so I must have been shining. I have been really pleased with the way things look so far. It’s not the scar. The scar is actually the easy part. It’s the symmetry of my face that was the big thing for me. I didn’t want one side looking way different than the other. I was very impressed that the awesome reconstruction he did (he and God) under the skin has been so noticeable on top.

He took out the pathology report and gave us a copy. He pointed out where it said, “Margins of resection, superior and inferior margins less than 1mm.” He said “that might be good enough for the government but its not good enough for us. We want to take a little more by resising the scar.” He showed me where he will be cutting and it’s actually on top of and below where the tumor was. He explained he thought that it wouldn’t make the scar any worse and hopefully make it look slightly better. He definitely said he wouldn’t be doing anything to the width if it. Thank goodness. I think a four inch diagonal slash is plenty long. Oh yes, and he reminded me that I will look my worst at two months. How can that be? I think he means the actual scar will look it’s worst. Of course, he’s not saying “I’m” going to look worse…. 🙂

He began to get his tools to start cutting the stitches out and there was a bunch of them. Guess what my husband did? He sat there. Of course I had to embarrass myself and say, “Will you please get up here and TAKE MY PICTURE!!!” He stood up and ask the Dr if he minded if he took some pictures, that I was a pictures taking fool and thought I needed pictures of everything. Dr. Jim is so laid back and so accommodating, he said, ” Absolutely, get up here and take all the pictures you want. It doesn’t bother me at all.” He actually even took his iPhone out and snapped a few himself. 🙂

So he starts to cutting them out and I felt everyone of them. Man, did that ever smart!! There was a bunch of them. He got them out, and began to redress it. When he applies the steri-strips, he glues them down..!! He likes to lock in that moisture that my body will make which contains the good stuff God gives us for healing. So he goes heavy on the gluing. He told me to leave it on for five days and then redress it myself. I am to come back in two weeks and we will pick the best day to do the revision.

Gary and I got in Tahoe to head home and I looked in the mirror. I defiantly looked a little worse. I saw instant bruising. Dang! How could that be? I looked so good before and now it looked like I had red brownish bruising like it was maybe bleeding just under the skin. I thought, great, I kick cancer to the curb and here I’m going to die of internal bleeding on my way home….. ha ha

We stopped and got milk and a few extra things on the way home. This Oklahoma weather is going to show it’s unpredictability Monday. More snow!!! I need sunshine.

So to make this long story a little shorter, when I got home and was able to look in the magnified mirror, I was able to see that the internal bleeding was reddish brownish glue. He gets a little crazy with the glue!! Thank you God, I’m going to live another day…… Ha ha

P.S. I almost forgot……when I looked at my camera, he had taken one freaking picture! He is so fired from the job. I didn’t even get a picture so I could see what it looked like with the stitches out!!!! Now I have to wait FIVE days!!! He said, “I sure thought I took more than one picture.” Yeah, he will not be the attending photographer when I get the next stitches out..!! 🙂

Ready To Go

Not too bad for day eight if I say so myself…. Ha ha. That children’s song popped in to my head. “I Am A Promise” I am a promise, I am a possibility, I am a promise with a Capitol P. I can be anything, anything God wants me to be 🙂

Day Eight

I didn’t sleep very good last night. I got Gary off to work at 3:45am so that might be one of the reasons. I know God intends your body to rebuild and heal its self during your sleep. Maybe that’s why I have such a time. My sleep is so broke up into sections.

I’m going to see Dr. Jim my surgeon today. I just know he’s going to be pleased. It’s so evident that something super natural is going on in me. Of course we know it’s God doing the good work. He will get all my praise.

I’m really excited that I get to see little Henry tonight for some tender loving kisses. He is totally a believer that ALL booboo’s are healed through kisses. I tend to agree with him I think. He even took my face in his hands and kissed where the biopsy was last week. I’m also hoping to maybe go see my little girls too. Grand babies just have a way of making you forget all your problems.

Thank you God for another day that the sun finally shined. I don’t think I could have taken another gloomy cloudy day.

I’m going to take some pictures today while he takes my stitches out. I’ll post them later. Gary thinks I’m crazy but Dr Jim was actually surprised I wasn’t snapping pictures last time…lol. He said most women are snapping pictures as he cuts the gauze off.

I hear its cold outside. I better go get ready.

Molding Us Through Life’s Trials

I have always loved this analogy of refining silver. I borrowed it to share it here. It doesn’t surprise me that this bible verse can be used to describe our very own “self” being refined and purified so that Christ’s image can be seen in us. I pray that will be me some day. I pray that my face will reflect His image. I pray that you can always see Christ in me……

Refining Silver

There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi. As they were studying chapter three, they came across verse three which says: “He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver.” (Malachi 3:3) This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God.

One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week this woman called up a silver smith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn’t mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silver smith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot–then she thought again about the verse, that he sits as a refiner and purifier of silver.

She asked the silver smith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silver smith, “How do you know when the silver is fully refined?”

He smiled at her and answered, “Oh, that’s easy–when I see my image in it.”

If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you.

Author unknown

The Day Started Good

I’m quite proud of myself today. Every time I passed the mirror and had to look at myself, I realized that there was no way that scar was going to determine how beautiful I was. No way! Even I was able to look at my face in whole and not zero right into the slash and it’s only been a week today. I know it’s still so early so it can do nothing but improve, right? We will see what he says tomorrow. I see Dr. Lowe in the afternoon so I’m hoping he’s still happy with his handy work. He seemed to be on day two. So hopefully on day eight, he will even be happier.

You shouldn’t have to fight personal battles when you’re fighting a physical battle.

Just practicing

I woke up this morning feeling like I had a big ole bandage on my face!! Ugh…. I looked in the mirror and I did…..lol

I decided to start practicing my bad ass looks…. 🙂